Seasons of Love

December 1st, 2010
6:33 PM

Dear Diary,
Everybody says that winter is the season of love. If that’s true, then how come I haven’t found love yet? Well first off, since this is my first diary entry, my name is Ella Sensiba. At school, all of the boys think I’m gorgeous and all of the girls envy me. I have all of the things that every girl wants – glittering brown eyes, curly, blonde hair with a brown shadow and bangs, super tan skin, and skinny enough to be a model. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that I have the looks that I have, but sometimes I feel like that’s the only reason that boys ever like me. Even though they’re all after me, the only one I want is the one that’s not after me – Matt Clam. He is truly my dream guy with his amazing abs, light brown flippy hair, blue eyes, and toned arms. Whenever I see him, I die inside. There’s only one problem with our situation, though… Matt’s dating my best friend, Daniella Koski. Of course, they’ve always been the perfect couple. You know, the ones that have been dating for months on end, who hold hands, who complement each other; that’s what Daniella and Matt are like. As wrong as it is, I wish Matt was mine… but I know it won’t happen. Anyways, today was the first frantic day of senior year, where we all walked through the doors full of adrenaline and walked out at the end of the day feeling right at home. Ironically enough, Matt just happens to be in all of my classes. Isn’t that great? To make that aspect even better, he sits next to me in half of them. You would think that since his girlfriend is my best friend, he would at least acknowledge me sometimes – but he doesn’t even know my name. On another note, you would also think that I wouldn’t get homework today since it’s the first day of school, but I have loads so I’ll write later.


December 7th, 2010
4:59 PM

Dear Diary,
He noticed me. He finally noticed me. It happened in math class. I should probably tell you that my best, and favorite, subject in school is math. Well, seeing as we sit next to each other in this class, he leaned over and asked me for help – and he knew my name! I never really thought that he would notice me, since Daniella is practically his whole life. I mean, who doesn’t want the gorgeous blonde-hair-dark blue-eyed girl with a great tan and curves in the right places type of girlfriend? Little did I know when he talked to me that Daniella had broken up with him just before the period had started.


“Hey Ella. I don’t really understand this. What’s the difference between angle-side-angle and angle-angle-angle? I guess the more important question is who cares?” Matt said in his suave voice as he leaned over my desk and made my heart skip a beat. At that moment in time when I helped Matt with his math, I realized even more how much I liked him. You could just get lost in those blue eyes for hours and hours. Right then, though, I could tell that something was wrong. Being the nice person that I am, I asked him what could possibly be wrong.

“You look upset,” I said in a soft voice as I looked in his eyes. “What’s bothering you?”

“It’s Daniella. She did what I never thought she would. She dumped me. I really don’t know why.” As he said this, I could see tears gathering in his eyes. We started talking about what had happened, and right then and there I started to see an amazing friendship forming. Minutes turned into an hour, and when the bell rang, I wished that there had been more time. Just then, Chris Grothey strode over. I couldn’t help but think, “Oh joy.” See, Chris was cute with his shaved brown hair and green eyes, but he went from girl to girl like bees went from flower to flower. Can somebody say player? Weirdly enough, Chris is Matt’s best friend. Matt said goodbye to me then and the day dragged on. Daniella had disappeared throughout the day and at the end of the day, Matt came to my locker and walked me to my bus. It seemed like all of my dreams were coming true. Now I’m sitting at home thinking over my day and wondering if what I’m doing is wrong. Is it bad to fall for my best friend’s ex-boyfriend? Yeah, I’ll get back to you when I have an answer to that question.


December 8th, 2010
5:27 AM

Dear Diary,
Daniella called me this morning. For some reason, she sounded extremely happy. Somehow she had found out that I liked Matt… and she called me to encourage me to go out with him! I guess that it isn’t really that bad to go out with my best friend’s ex. Especially when I have her permission. Well, I should probably get ready for school so I don’t miss the bus. I’ll definitely write later!


December 15th, 2010
8:52 PM

Dear Diary,
I can’t help but wonder why and how everything happened so suddenly. She’s gone. I just can’t believe it. Finding out that the reason that Daniella had broken up with Matt was because she knew she was going to die was the most unbelievable thing I have ever experienced. Being diagnosed with cancer at this age was impossible in my mind. Everything just happened so quick; Daniella called me up on December 9th, told me that she had cancer, and that she had six days to live. So many questions are still swimming through my thoughts. Why hadn’t she told me sooner? Why Daniella? I guess I just have to keep in my mind that everything happens for a reason. The person that I turn to right now is Matt. Both of us are grieving her death and wondering the same things. She died today around 6:38 PM with Matt and I sitting right by her side. There was not one person in the room that didn’t cry. At least she knew before she died that I was happy with Matt, and seeing her best friend happy made her happy. Though Matt and I are finally going out, I can’t help but think that with one good thing comes a bad thing – and of course that bad thing just had to be my best friend dying. My eyes burned and my heart hurt more than you could ever imagine. Daniella’s funeral is on Sunday and her parents, Matt, and I are organizing it so I’m going to be exhausted this week. I’ll write whenever I find time next.



December 20th, 2014
4:34 PM

Dear Diary,
Dealing with this pain is the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my life. You would think that I would write about Matt now since I’ve fallen in love with him and he’s the guy of my dreams. I do love Matt and there’s so much that he does for me that just makes me melt and would take up pages and pages of my diary. To make a long story short, being with him and going through Daniella’s death with him made me realize that he’s one of the most important people in my life and without him, I don’t know what I would do. He’s my rock. If I hadn’t had him by my side while grieving her death, I would have been a total wreck. It’s been four years since Daniella died, but it feels like it just happened. Going to school, the mall, or the movies without her just seems so unreal. Now that I’m twenty-two, I look back on that last year of high school and realize that it was the best and worst one. Since senior year was the year that Matt finally noticed me, it was amazing; then Daniella just had to die. I’m so much more mature since her death that year, and I am amazed that Matt and I are still together – and thinking about marriage. We’ve made some plans like the place and time, and together we decided that it would be in memory of Daniella. She was the reason that the two of us happened. Without Daniella, I bet that Matt still wouldn’t know my name and he never would have talked to me. Now that this chapter of my life has come to an end, I don’t feel the need to write any more. I love you, Daniella.

Love
Forever and Always
And in memory of Daniella Nicolle Koski,

Ella Michayla Sensiba