Identity

Everyone in the world has their own individual identity. Whether they’re the athlete, the popular person, or the outcast, there is not one person with the same identity. It’s tough to find an identity that fits your personality like it should, but as you go through life, you will surely find it. In Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, three peoples’ identities are playing hide and seek with the people they belong to. Melinda, Heather, and Rachel are struggling to find their own identities throughout the book.

The search for identity starts with Melinda. Melinda Sordino is a freshman girl at Merryweather High who starts high school with no friends. Knowing that no one will talk to Melinda because she called the cops at a party is a key element of the reason that Melinda has lost her identity. How would you feel if everyone hated you for something you did, but they didn’t know why you did it? Calling the cops to save yourself should result in something good, something that will make you stronger. But when Melinda called the cops at a party because she was raped, someone spotted her doing it and spread the rumor that she called the cops just to break up the party. On pages 133 through 136, the party is explained when Melinda can’t sleep so she “crawls out her window onto the porch roof” and reminisces. Being “on the ground with him on top of her” and having to go through the process of being raped would be something that would scar someone for life.

When reading The Scarlet Letter in English class, Melinda says, “I can see us living in the woods, her wearing that A, me with an S maybe, S for silent, for stupid, for scared. S for silly. For shame," showing that she feels that her identity is consumed by shame, stupidity, fear, and silence. Carrying on riding on her wave of depression, Melinda slowly, but surely, comes out of the darkness and steps back into the light. As she walks home from school one day after being asked to David Petrakis’ party, “the two Melinda’s fight every step of the way.” To give a sign of healing, this shows that Melinda truly does have two sides to her; the side that wants to get out and be happy and live life to the fullest and the side that is scared to do everything. Melinda’s real moment of glory is when she “heads out the door for her locker and somebody slams into her chest and knocks her back into the closet. The light flicks on and the door closes. She is trapped with Andy Evans,” the boy who raped her at the party. He tries to do it again, but she gathers up enough courage this time around to scream. After that closet incident, Melinda’s identity seemed to be zapped back into her and she went back to being the person that she was before the party happened. Getting her friends and her life back turned out to be the good result that she had needed after the party, and having good friends is an important part of her identity.

Friendship is a quality that comes with every person, but in Speak, Heather doesn’t seem to be a very good friend. Starting new at the school as “Heather, the girl from Ohio,” Heather befriends Melinda and begins a new, somewhat weird relationship with her. As their friendship develops, Melinda soon realizes that Heather is still trying to find her identity. On trick-or-treat, “Heather is walking with some of the little kids in her neighborhood so their mothers can stay home,” showing that Heather wants to be the good girl who will help your family if you need it. Continuing through the school year, Heather decides what clan she would like to be a part of – the Marthas. On page 82, Melinda claims that “the modeling is paying off in major Martha points. They all want to be Heather’s New Best Friend.” It seems that Heather has it in her head that she needs to be part of the Marthas, even though Melinda doesn’t think that that would be a good choice for her. Breaking up is supposed to be for couples, not friends, right? When Heather breaks off her and Melinda’s relationship on pages 105 and 106, it shows that Heather was never really a nice person. If your “friend” suddenly decided to not be your friend anymore, would you take them back as a friend? To show how flaky Heather truly is, she comes crawling back to Melinda and “launches into a sob story about how much she hates being a Marthadrone and that indentured servitude would be better,” expecting Melinda to feel sorry for her. Thankfully, Melinda knows now that Heather is not worthy of being her friend, so she doesn’t help her out. Having no identity may be one of the things that will cause you to lose a friendship with someone who you somewhat connected with.

Another thing that may cause someone to lose a friendship is a complete change of identity, which is what happened with Rachel. “Rachel Bruin, my ex-best friend” went from being Melinda’s best friend to being her worst enemy. How can you be someone’s best friend one year, then completely hate them the next year? While washing her shirt in the bathroom with Melinda, Ivy, another friend, says, “I know just add that to the list of stupid things she’s done this year,” upon hearing that Rachel is going out with Andy Evans. Obviously, Rachel is mean not only to Melinda, but to a lot of other people in the school. To show that Melinda truly wants to be friends with Rachel again, they begin to discuss their childhood and how “Rachel has always talked about traveling.” From being best friends to turning into worst enemies, Melinda and Rachel start to talk again and start to build up the walls of their friendship again. They begin to discuss what really happened at the party, but when Melinda tells Rachel that Andy Evans is the one who raped her, Rachel breaks the walls once again. Before Rachel became “Rachel/Rachelle” who hung out with all of the international people, she was once a sweet girl who was a good friend of Melinda’s. How could someone change their personality, just like that? In the end, though, Rachel gloriously dumps Andy Evans at the prom and their friendship starts to slowly redevelop. Like every person needs air, Melinda and Rachel need their friendship to last.

Finding your identity may be tough, but if you follow the right path, you’ll surely find it. To set a good example for the reader, Laurie Halse Anderson places Melinda in the book to represent the fact that you may lose your way along your path, but you can jump right back on track again if you try hard enough. “Friends” like Heather will come and go, but don’t let people like her get you down or let you lose the person that you are. Having a person like Rachel in your life should be an excellent thing because no matter what happens, she’ll always be there for you, to guide you and to help you find your identity. Don’t let yourself get lost along the road to find your identity, but you have to remember to not get so lost on that road that you can’t find your way back.